There I was, staring at my Hinge profile that I had carefully curated to appear as attractive as possible. This was my attempt at finding a partner because I was too shy, insecure and reserved to do it in person.

Growing up, I never felt pretty due to my weight. I was bullied a lot by the boys in my class and was used to seeing my slimmer friends getting the attention. Boys showed nothing but disgust toward me, calling me slurs like “fatty” and “butterball.” So, as an adult, it didn’t shock me that I still didn’t fit the “beauty standard” because I was plus size.

When men approached me at bars, gas stations and grocery stores, I ignored them because I felt like there was no way a man could be attracted to me.

So there I was, attempting to paint myself in the best light and pour my heart out into the Hinge prompts, hoping to draw men’s attention to my words and not my photos. I chose photos I felt my best in and confident enough to post on Instagram but this was different. This was putting myself on display for my biggest critics: men.

Adding these photos to my profile was like putting myself on a chopping block. One more scroll for a quick review and my finger was pressing the submit button.

There it was in all its glory: my profile on an app that I expected would bring me nothing but disappointment.

According to wooplus.com, a plus size dating website, over 71% of women said they were harassed and insulted on “regular” dating apps because of their plus-sized bodies. About 29% of women said they have never been harassed on regular dating apps, though many of them admit they have been turned down because of their size.

In the beginning stages, I frequently checked the app for notifications. Signing into Hinge was like standing on a scale displayed for all the men who came across my profile.

I sent hearts to men I found attractive but doubted they would ever reciprocate. Eventually, though, men started to notice me. Every match felt like an accomplishment.

We’d have a great conversation but it wasn’t long until the topic would turn to meeting up. My biggest fear was meeting in person. The sooner a man brought up the topic, the sooner I ghosted him.

The photos I chose for my profile were the “skinny” version of me. I took photos of myself standing in poses that made my body look curvier. I would stand up straight, crossing my feet at the ankle and leaning my body a little to the right for the best results. When meeting in person, I didn’t want these men to see that I was plus size. I couldn’t deal with seeing the realization of my weight set in on my date’s face.

To find love, I knew I had to get over that fear. In October 2022, I met someone who made me want to put myself out there. After a few conversations through text, we realized we had similar interests. The date was set. We’d be seeing “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” at Cinemark Carson and XD on Nov. 11 at 12:10 p.m.

The morning of the date, I wanted so badly to cancel. I didn’t text him in hopes that maybe he’d forget, but then he messaged me to confirm. There was no way out–I had to face him and hope for the best.

It looked like a tornado had hit my room as I prepared for judgment day. Maybe if I picked the best outfit, did the best hairstyle and sprayed my best perfume, he wouldn’t see that I was overweight.

As I waited outside the movie theater, all the worst-case scenarios ran through my mind. What if he saw me before I saw him and he decided to turn around? What if he realized on his way over that he wasn’t attracted to me? What if he was playing me all along and never planned to show up?

That’s when I heard my name being called. When I turned around, I was at a loss for words. He actually showed up. We both went in for a hug. We went inside and stood in line for snacks and he offered me whatever I wanted. I declined. What if he saw me eating and got grossed out? I couldn’t take that chance.

After the movie was over, we lingered outside the movie theater. I knew my time was up. It was a Cinderella moment and the clock had now struck midnight. I felt an inevitable defeat approaching.

Then, he offered to get some food. He didn’t want the date to end. Neither did I.

We ate and talked some more. I was comfortable and felt like he wasn’t judging me. I didn’t feel my insecurities getting the best of me. All my worrying about whether he liked me was pushed aside as soon as he asked me on a second date while we were still on our first.

He never made me uncomfortable about my weight. He embraced me, told me he was attracted to me regardless and that I looked exactly like my photos so there were no surprises.

I had done it. I found a guy who liked me, flaws and all. We are now in a relationship and I know my weight doesn’t matter to him. He loves me for who I am.

My patience and ghosting every other guy who attempted to meet up after a couple of conversations paid off. With help from him, I was able to see myself as more than just a plus-size person.

I feel beautiful, regardless of my size.