Our first date was so special, I couldn’t stop smiling.

I was definitely crushing on him.

As we cruised between the skyscrapers, with the city lights beaming through his tinted windows, his left hand stirring, while the other held my hand, he played some Post Malone for me to see if I liked a specific song.

I stared out the window, with a pondering stare in silence, not hearing a tune.

He turned and asked me, “what do you think of this song?”

I stumbled over words trying to politely tell him I wasn’t listening, but was in deep thought instead.

“Honestly, I wasn’t listening,” I laughed.

“I’m just in my head right now,” I said but regretted immediately after, not knowing if it was too soon for me to tell him what was going through my mind.

“What are you in your head about?” he asked.

I was hesitant to tell him but his comforting words made me tell him.

I told him I had a really good time with him and that whatever happens I hope he doesn’t just ghost and disappear.

I hoped this time it would be different.

He told me he figured that’s what it was, but told me he had a good time with me and if anything he hopes I wasn’t the one to ghost him.

“The guy you met yesterday, is the same guy I am today, and the same guy I will be tomorrow.”

He said he had fun with me too and those weren’t his intentions because thats “childish.”

It all sounded so promising.

Everything he said was so perfect, like it was a scene from an Oscar winning romantic film that I’d watch on repeat wishing was my life.

Was this it?

Was he my prince charming?

One moment everything is going great with a guy, then they’re gone.

They don’t even live on the same planet anymore.

They took a spaceship with the other guys that ghost and gather around an asteroid lit campfire telling stories about how they got the girl and dipped, leaving her confused and sad.

They laugh with one another and compete to see who can ghost the most girls.

I don’t get what’s the point of ghosting.

Do guys find excitement in it?

Hunting down the girl who never even looked their way, aim to get her hopes up, then shoot her down and leave her to bleed out all these feelings of frustration.

Of course it is not as severe as I’m illustrating it out to be.

But I know we’ve all been there.

You’re minding your business, then someone gets your attention, you get excited and start telling your friends all about this new person who entered your life and has an interest in you.

You try to play it off in front of your friends, acting like they’re the ones all over you.

But in reality you’re the one who’s watching “Say Yes To the Dress” trying to figure out what you’re going to wear to your wedding.

But when you’re feelings are on the rise, their feelings are beginning to decrease because they no longer see the excitement in you when the chase isn’t as hard.

You try to hold on to every thread of the rope that they cut trying to let you loose by watching videos from dating coaches, reading articles on how to make him chase you, or asking your guy friends what you’re doing wrong.

It seems to be a never ending cycle for you.

Sure, some of your friends are going through the same thing you’re going through, but then a handful of your other friends can’t seem to keep the guys off of them.

They seem to be in a relationship with everyone’s dream guy as soon as things end with their other amazing guy.

I know I’m pretty, and have an amazing personality.

I see all my great qualities and so do my friends and all the guys that like me but I’d never give the time of day.

But why doesn’t he?

Why does he haunt me by lurking in my instagram story views every single day?

So I’m interesting enough to watch everyday, but not enough to text back?

So things ended with the guy after I told him he did something I didn’t like.

He ended up ghosting me but text me three weeks later to say Merry Christmas.

I had deleted our thread and his number off my phone three days after not talking so I didn’t know who it was and replied “who’s this.”

He replied “lmao fuck out of here.”

I ended up finding out it was him when I checked my messages on my laptop.

We haven’t talked to this day.

I get it, not every guy is going to work out.

It’s not even the fact that I want them so bad, it’s just frustrating when it is so repetitive.

Why is every single guy I come across playing the exact same game?