Stupid commercial time.

I was listening to the radio when a cell phone ad came on. While I’m usually prepared for the crappiness that is sure to ensue, this one was particularly cringe worthy.

It was talking in the imitated, “I’m cool and very empathetic about you being cool, too” voice about another useless cell phone feature one could get.

The ad talked about how one can get different ring-back tones for their friend, their girlfriend and the other woman they have on the side.

The ad not only made it seem like having an affair was OK, but the cell phone companies were ready to supply her with a new and an exciting feature.

Unfaithfulness seems to be more commonplace these days, from movies with beautiful people cheating on beautiful people with other beautiful people, to the local drama with your friends.

And we allow it because we are so intrigued by the scandal, we lose sight to why it’s such a big deal in the first place: It’s WRONG!

While I’m 40 years too young to be proclaiming the general moral decay of society, I think we have a serious problem when something as morally bankrupt as infidelity is so commonplace.

So I’m taking a stand against this modern “Eh, so what?” attitude of adultery. Except, I’m too tired to stand, so I’ll be sitting down. But it’ll be a stern sitting down, believe you me.

A subject as extensive as this one is going to require some additional help, so say hello to my friend, Mister Counter-Point! I’m glad you’re here, Mr. CP.

“No you’re not.”

Whoa now, buddy! Save some of that spunk for the rest of the column.

OK, so cheating on someone is the ultimate act of selfishness, where one is potentially sacrificing his partner’s feelings for his own carnal pleasures.

“But Jesse, everyone cheats at least once.”

Cheating is not the chicken pox, where it will happen to everybody. We always have a choice in the matter.

If you cheated before, at least have the decency to admit you made the wrong choice, as opposed to feeling it was something that would eventually happen.

“As long as she/he doesn’t know about it, it’s not going to hurt anyone.”

Yeah, especially not hurt your reputation, right? Assuming one can live with the moral burden of infidelity, let’s look at this practically: One can only juggle excuses for so long before they fumble. Then the yelling, tears and heartbreak ensues.

So no one is not hurting anyone as long as the Las Vegas odds don’t turn against them.

“My current partner does not love/understand/perform certain sexual acts on me. I had to go to someone else.”

You know that thing people do where they talk back and forth? It’s called communicating. It’s how we find out many things, including how someone else is feeling.

Now try taking what I just taught you and apply it to your relationship. If you have a problem with your partner, inform him or her.

Don’t try to fill a hole in your life by outside means. If that doesn’t work, then maybe it is time to see other people.

But don’t plant a flag in another hillside until one has moved on from the previous one (Er, what my horrible metaphor is trying to say is one should end his current relationship before he gets involved with another one).

And to all victims of a lover with a cheating heart, please have enough self-respect to dump them.

All right, that about covers it. Thank you Mr. Counterpoint for helping me out.

“No problem. When will I get paid?”

Er, unfortunately I didn’t bring my checkbook, but I can get you something else. Um, did you hear about that new and exciting cell phone feature?