Let’s get something out of the way: if you’re old enough to breed and still be a fan of the Twilight series, there’s already something wrong with you.

Here’s why you DON’T name your kid after your favorite thing in the world: one day, your child will get curious and look up the meaning behind their name just for kicks. Now, it’s bad enough you named them after such thing but in the hope that you raised them correctly, they’ll be more horrified at the content and the fanbase related to your favorite thing moreso than all the hate towards it. In the case of Twilight, said hate is more than justified: its RABID fans are so out of touch with common sense, you’re more likely than not hear about fans reacting violently or vaguely defending the book when criticized. Even the actress portraying Isabelle is afraid of them.

Since little Jacob there has realized what inherited burden he’s got on him now, soon someone at school is going to pick on him for asking where his sparkles are at. Don’t be surprised if Jacob asks for a legal name change on his next birthday or Christmas.

It’s also a sign of unoriginality. Okay, sure, “Jacob” is a common name but when you do it under the guise of “I’ll name my kid after one of my favorite things”, well, there’s a saying for that: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. (Look it up.) If you’ve thought up of a name in an instant, you’re rushing things. The parents who are helping their little zygote grow usually take their time over the months and are inspired in some way to name their bundle.

This isn’t necessarily about parents naming their child from some failed portrayal of a vampire in a terrible book series. It’s about naming your kid after one of your favorite things/hobbies in the world. If you’re seriously going to do that, you and your significant other need to review your priorities. Go ahead and do it for inanimate objects but not to your own spawn.