“Machete Kills” isn’t too sharp

“Machete Kills,” starring Danny Trejo and directed by Robert Rodriguez, was a horrible show of cinematic artistry. In other words, mission accomplished.
Fans of the “Machete” series will most likely not be going to theaters expecting Oscar-worthy brilliance, but even as a film aimed at being horribly good, “Machete Kills” falls a bit short. It was entertaining, but too long (107 min.) and gimmicky.
The film has all the elements of a cult classic so-bad-it’s-good movie, but at the end of the day, there’s no substitute for decent writing.
Rodriguez has taken his favorite elements of B-movie classics like nefarious villains, spectacular deaths, beautiful ladies and fast cars, but all of these things are simply shiny ornaments covering up a half-assed script.
Rodriguez actually musters up a very intriguing cast with the likes of Sophia Vergara, Jessica Alba, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Demian Bichir and Michelle Rodriguez, but they end up being a waste of talent. Instead of using their acting abilities to add depth to this ridiculous movie, they all end up matching the madness with shallow performances.
What Robert Rodriguez lacks is balance. His movie is obviously a spoof, but it lacks the comedy of other classic spoofs like “Austin Powers.” He’s found a way to put his movie into a no-man’s land that is not funny, yet can’t be taken seriously.
Robert Rodriguez is like Tabasco. A little hint adds an amazing kick that can take a movie to another level, but too much, and it’s inedible.
Rodriguez sets a great mood that can only be described as “bad ass.” He’s mastered the art of the creative kill. In action movies where multiple people die, getting shot in the chest becomes monotonous, he finds spectacular ways to end people.
For example, in one scene, Machete is being surrounded by goons. He uses a grappling hook to attach himself to the spinning blades of a helicopter. He then swings around and decapitating all of the men who were surrounding him. Art.
Rodriguez should give up directing and become a special adviser to action films.
Think of any action film that ended up going nowhere and was quickly forgotten; with a hint of Robert Rodriguez, that film has a chance of attaining cult status.
A good example is from the batch of lame action flicks that came out this past summer. “White House Down” had a great premise and good actors, all it needed was a hint of Rodriguez madness and it would be in cult heaven now.
With “Machete Kills Again…in Space” already announced, hopefully Rodriguez can learn from his mistakes: Spend more time on the story and script, or make the movie only 70 minutes long.