My summers have always been a colossal waste of time.

It seemed as though the older I got, the more my summer days would blend into each other.

Every day was the same. I was bored, surrounded by heat– sweat slick against my face, and had accomplished absolutely nothing.

During the school years leading up to these drab three months were filled with endless stress. I wanted to be involved in campus life. I wanted to be at the top of my classes, but I always found myself just getting by, only ever doing the bare minimum.

My goals only ever stayed stored in the back of my mind collecting dust.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2024, when I had visited my mom and sisters in North Carolina, that I decided to stop being the passenger in my own life.

North Carolina was nothing like Los Angeles.

Nothing fun was within walking distance. Everything was green and lush and the air was thick with humidity. I had a lot of time to think.

I knew the cause of my sullen attitude toward life. It all started inside, like most things.

You know how when your gut health is off balance it starts to show on your skin? It’s the same for your mind. When your mental health is off-balance, it starts to show in the way you treat yourself.

Everything declines. It’s like witnessing the landslide of your life and not being strong enough to save yourself from it, so you just let it engulf you.

I was tired of my complacency. If I wasn’t going to change my life now, then when would it ever happen?

That’s when I found Dr. Magdalena.

I began my therapy sessions with her the week I landed in North Carolina. She spoke to me with a sweet, understanding voice during our over-the-phone sessions, a tone I wasn’t used to hearing.

It felt like I had been talking to a guardian angel. Magdalena knew all of my problems, and rather than judge me for them, she guided me toward a better path.

Throughout my time in North Carolina, my anger toward myself formed into inspiration to make better decisions, treat myself well and seek after every opportunity that I desired.

While my issues didn’t escape me overnight, the insight Magdalena provided me with became the catalyst for my brain-rewiring journey. When I returned to California in early June, I was fired up for the rest of the summer and the new school year.

Kenneth Spears, staff psychologist at El Camino College’s Mental Health Services Center, made a career out of understanding the brain. Spears understands the inner work necessary to overcome and reform negative beliefs and the rules we have attached to them.

I would think things like “I’m not a good student,” and then make rules for myself like, “I need to stay up all night doing work,” to prove that I’m a hard worker.

“Rigid rules don’t serve us.” Spears said.

Spears believes that when we start to identify negative thoughts as they arise, we can see the pattern of how automatic these thoughts can be. From there, we can stop it and rewire it into something positive.

Once the new school year rolled around I had already changed my major from Plant Science to Journalism and Sociology, two subjects that I burn with passion for.

Through the Journalism Department at ECC, I was able to become a writer for Warrior Life, the school magazine, and an intern for The Union, the school newspaper.

I joined volunteer organizations outside of school dedicated to homeless care and unsheltered animal rehabilitation. I felt moved to put myself in leadership positions and trusted myself enough to do good work to the best of my ability, regardless of where my mind was.

I still am constantly finding ways to adapt to the fast-paced change spiraling into my life. I know that this journey is anything but linear, but my fear of wasting my potential has always been greater than my fear of working through the tough things in my life.

I chose to take action now because if not now, then when?