“The Equalizer,” starring Denzel Washington, is as forgettable as a second coat of paint. Lazily choreographed fight scenes, cliché one liners, and a predictable yet highly unrealistic storyline characterize this 1980’s television series remake.

The film is directed by Antoine Fuqua, who previously directed “Training Day,” also starring Washington. That film earned Washington a “Best Actor” Oscar, but don’t expect the same result after this film.

The action thriller centers around an ex-special ops agent going by the name of Robert McCall. Robert seems like a simple man on the surface, but signs of a troubled past begin to emerge as the story progresses.

He spends his days working at a hardware store reminiscent of Home Depot and occupies his sleepless nights reading at a 24-hour diner. At this diner he befriends a young prostitute named Teri played by Chloë Grace Moretz. He and Teri merely engage in small talk until one night Teri walks in the diner with a bruise on her face. For the first time Teri approaches McCall and they have a relatively intimate conversation with one another.

The next scene cuts to the two walking home on a dark night when Teri’s Russian pimp Slavi rolls up in a blacked out sedan with his crony driver.

Slavi hits Teri and forces her in the car while his driver draws his gun and keeps an eye on McCall. Slavi gives McCall his business card and tells him he has much better girls for him.

The next few nights Teri doesn’t show up to the diner and McCall soon finds out from the waiter that she has been severely beaten and hospitalized.

This sparks something in McCall that has long been lost. McCall tries to bargain for Teri’s freedom but Slavi is a sadistic business man and has no interest in letting go of one of his most profitable assets.

With no deal in sight, McCall’s former training kicks in and he quickly dismantles and slaughters Slavi and his henchmen.

Using only a corkscrew, a shot glass and his enemy’s weapons against them, McCall takes out a room of five tatted up Russian gangsters in less than 30 seconds. It turns out that Slavi is an important member of the Russian mob and his murder ignites a fire inside of himself to find the man responsible.

The Russian mob boss, ironically named Vladimir Pushkin, sends his problem solver Teddy to track down Slavi’s murderer and eliminate him. Pushkin might as well have sent the whole KGB after McCall. Little did Putin… I mean Pushkin know, McCall is a master in hand to hand combat and only needs household items to take out trained gunmen.

It’s a good thing all the Russian mobsters portrayed were utterly incompetent when it comes to firing a weapon, otherwise McCall might have needed more than a corkscrew. If McCall had a gun the movie would have been over in five minutes.

What do you get when you combine Home Depot, Russian mobsters, and Denzel Washington? Obviously the bloody and outrageous finale of “The Equalizer.” If only Ukraine could get ahold of Robert McCall the Crimea conflict would have been over in a few hours.

Unless you hate Russians or absolutely love Denzel Washington, avoid this ridiculous piece of anti-Russian propaganda.