To ensure proper service

So you leave a few dollars here, and a few dollars there, or you might even say, “Keep the change.” Big deal. What most Americans outside of the food industry don’t know is that just as there are steps to providing good service, there are also steps to receiving good service.

More importantly, there is a mathematical formula that renders the appropriate amount of gratuity that should be left behind for such service.

It’s like a play, really – the restaurant experience. You have your cast of hosts, bussers, servers, bartenders, managers, chefs, cooks, and guests.

Yes, contrary to popular belief that they are merely part of the audience, the guests too have a leading role in the scene – quite possibly the most important role, for how well they perform determines whether the scene is a comedy or a tragedy.

So it begins. You arrive and a host welcomes, greets, and seats you. Shortly thereafter, your server arrives, explains the menu, answers questions, and asks, “What may I get for you?”

You place your order and it is delivered to your table with your server returning periodically to check your status and satisfaction. You become full, ask for your check, pay, and depart. The curtain falls.

The entire ordeal is over in 45 to 90 minutes, which is a blink of an eye in a server’s shift. But what were your lines? The others in the act all hit their marks and never broke character. Yet, you have never even read your script.

Truth is, you already know your role. You’ve played it countless times throughout your life, for surely you have been invited to be a guest at your family’s dinner table. A table at a restaurant is no different. Patience, humility, and respect is expected of each member of the table.

Should one dare say a word to try to expedite dinner? No. The food will arrive when it is ready. Should one look and speak as if on a high horse at the dinner table? If you must.

But wouldn’t it be better to see eye to eye with those around you, as if being served by the Gods themselves and sitting beside kings and queens of a sovereignty no different than your own? Should one expect more from anyone than is humanly possible? There is no human who can do more than is humanly possible.

Bottom line is that “thank you” and “the service was excellent” doesn’t translate into common currency. If everything was “good,” then 15 percent of your total is the tacitly required amount to leave behind as tip.

If your service and meal went beyond your expectations, the way to manifest that is by tipping 20 percent of your total or more. If your scene deserves a “boo,” then speak with the director of the show, the manager. But do not expect anything if you licked your plates clean.

Here’s a tip. The word tips is an abbreviation for “to ensure proper service.”